Scott Morrison / Paul Giamatti
Between late night phone calls to Serbian Prime Minister Ana Brnabić and early morning press conferences bragging about our non-discriminatory border, Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a no-brainer for Civil risk.
But it’s not easy to find someone who can channel Morrison’s odd combination of Suburban Dad Energy and salesman finesse. Enter: Paul Giamatti.
the Billions star is as versatile as it gets, and it doesn’t hurt that he already looks suspiciously like the prime minister.
Australian Border Force official who interviewed Djokovic at 3.30am / Jackie Weaver
Upon his arrival in Australia, Djokovic was questioned by Australian Border Force officers for eight hours. And even though we don’t know their names or who they are, the transcription of these conversations includes excellent one-liners.
At one point, an agent tells Djokovic he can have “like, you know, 20 minutes – or whatever”, to provide reasons why his visa shouldn’t be revoked. Then there’s the moment an agent reminds Djokovic that Australia “is pretty much run federally”.
Using the transcripts, we created a composite character, a weary Border Force officer who doesn’t have time for a whimsical tennis player with his supposed exemption.
Played by Jackie Weaver, the character is tired, unbalanced and on the verge of breaking down. Think she’s impressed with your 20 Grand Slams? You should see her playing Candy Crush on her lunch break.
Immigration Minister Alex Hawke / Ethan Hawke
Take a look at the youthful features of 44-year-old Immigration Minister Alex Hawke, and you can’t help but remember the perpetually young Ethan Hawke. Sometimes casting decisions are all in the name.
Chief Justice James Allsop / Jack Thompson
Few actors can summon the respect and wisdom to play the Chief Justice of the Federal Court of Australia, James Allsop, like Jack Thompson.
Hammer in hand, the legendary actor would take your breath away in the final court scene as he confirms the cancellation of Djokovic’s visa and declares: “DEPORT! EXPEL! EXPEL!”
A supporting role worthy of an Oscar? May be. Logical? Definitively.
Bernard Tomic / Himself
Every good drama needs a strong subplot, and amid the distraction of Novak’s detention, we also enjoyed Bernard Tomic’s sideshow. The former tennis prodigy went to an Australian Open qualifier with freshly peroxidized hair and was diagnosed with COVID-19 mid-game.
“I’m sure in the next two days I’m going to test positive, I’m telling you,” Tomic told the chair umpire. “I will buy you [the chair-umpire] dinner if I don’t test positive in three days, otherwise you offer me dinner.
In a shocking twist, Tomic did indeed test positive, which would make for a gripping finale. Having failed to qualify for the Australian Open, we offered the role of Bernard Tomic to Bernard Tomic.
Channel Seven News Presenters / Themselves
Sometimes the best way to beat a scandal is to lean into it, which is why Channel Seven news presenters Rebecca Maddern and Mike Amor agreed to shoot an appearance recreating their now infamous hot mic gaffe.
Watching Maddern turn to his co-host and mutter, “Anyway you look at him, Novak Djokovic is a liar, sneaky, a hole,” will undoubtedly be one of the TV moments of 2022.
Subscribe to our Culture Correct newsletter here.